CRYSTAL BALL OFFERS FIJI HEADLINES FOR 2004

Editorial

FijiSUN

SUVA, Fiji ( Jan. 1) - It is common practice at this time of the year for media organizations to offer readers, listeners and viewers a round up of the salient events of the year that is gone by.

However, seeking to be ever innovative, the FijiSUN today offers a review of next year’s news.

January: Monasavu dam in danger of overflowing. FEA says power cuts inevitable due to too much water. Overheating in Parliament. Mr Qarase and Mr Chaudhry say multi-party Cabinet agreement in sight.

February: Supreme Court tells the two leaders to stop bickering and get on with it. Mr Qarase and Mr Chaudhry say multi-party Cabinet agreement in sight.

March: MPs agree to end travel and accommodation expenses scam. Air Pacific pilot tells of pigs sighted at 10,000 feet. Mr Qarase and Mr Chaudhry say multi-party Cabinet agreement in sight.

April: Auditor-General reports all is well with the Government accounts. More pigs sighted at 5000 feet in rapid ascent. Mr Qarase and Mr Chaudhry say multi-party Cabinet agreement in sight.

May: Fiji Rugby Union appoints overseas coach to take the team into the next World Cup. Appointee quits after two weeks, citing lack of co-operation from local officials. Team migrates to New Zealand. Mr Qarase and Mr Chaudhry say multi-party Cabinet agreement in sight.

June: Cabinet announces land no longer an issue as sugar industry closes. Mr Qarase and Mr Chaudhry say multi-party Cabinet agreement in sight.

July: Fiji Labour Party MPs complain of standover cane (Mr Chaudhry didn’t tell them the industry had closed last month). Uproar in Parliament as Government brings in Bill to stop media reporting scams. Mr Qarase and Mr Chaudhry say multi-party Cabinet agreement in sight.

August: Police announce Fiji, per head of population and taking into account factors relating to statistical anomalies as well as adjusting for seasonal fluctuations, has world’s lowest crime rate. National pig herd declared a hazard to aviation. Mr Qarase and Mr Chaudhry say multi-party Cabinet agreement in sight.

September: Fisheries Dept issues deep sea licenses to every man, woman and child on earth in the interests of transparency and accountability. Mr Qarase and Mr Chaudhry say multi-party Cabinet agreement in sight.

October: Great Council of Chiefs meets and makes a decision. Mr Qarase and Mr Chaudhry say multi-party Cabinet agreement in sight. 

November: Budget doubles VAT, increases MPs’ pay in line with ministry CEOs. Budget passed in record time. Mr Qarase and Mr Chaudhry say multi-party Cabinet agreement in sight.

December: Christmas cancelled due to VAT increase. Mr Qarase and Mr Chaudhry say multi-party Cabinet not in national interest. Lawyers plan biggest party in nation’s history.

Happy New Year, Fiji

January 1, 2004

FijiSUN: http://www.sun.com.fj/

 

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